I get it. Sometimes you need to jazz up a photo a little bit to make it perfect. Rub out an infected boil on the side of a model’s thigh, make Tom Cruise less adorably miniature, making yourself seem like reasonable person with normal friends. you know, edit out the little imperfections. But sometimes, a photoshopper needs to take a step back and honestly asses what they just produced. And maybe go see a doctor about getting that part of their brain that should catch these deformed monstrosities checked out. It is clearly defective.
1. I don’t know about you, but I just prefer cut-outs’ patronage of my shop. They don’t take up much space and they’re really quite. Sure they don’t usually have any money, but that’s not why I got into this business anyways.
2. The “artist” who did this has clearly never seen a woman before. He would know they actually have THREE rows of teeth.
3. Go ahead, take a look at the headphone jack. Notice anything? TRICK QUESTION! This picture is perfect and you will never convince me that taping the plug to the screen isn’t just as effective.
4. So what if everyone wasn’t at work when the manager decided to get a group photo. We can just awkwardly cut their faces out of other pictures and paste them into this one. No one will ever notice. Except that pedantic jerk on the internet that just loves to make fun of terrible photoshops. But screw that guy, nobody cares what he has to say.
5. There comes a time when even a practiced smart-ass has to just let the subject speak for itself. This is one of those times. Behold:
6. Levi’s is clearly a very progressive company, hiring what is obviously the next stage in human development: knees that bend backwards.
7. To whom it way concern: This is not sexy. A woman should not ever have a pelvis that is taller than her abdomen. Signed, my recently vomited lunch.
8. If you have a brain that is convulsing right now trying to process the proportions on display in this photo, congratulations, you’re a normal human being. If you don’t see anything wrong here, kindly return to your home planet you blasted space alien.
9. Poor, misbegotten Chinese bureaucrats. Even their ghosts have to awkwardly pose for pictures.
10. “I’ll just find the last picture taken of me being happy before that harpy left me and paste some pictures of random kids sitting in my lap reading this dumb book I need to sell on this awful website. That’ll show them all just how rich and fulfilling my life has become ever since the Sizzler fired me for intentionally spilling coffee on the fat people that dared to walk through those doors.”
11. He seems to be concentrating on how to make his legs even skinnier.
12. Don’t laugh, this is how I camp too. I just take a picture of me reclining in a sleeping bag and awkwardly placing on top of a nature shot. No mosquito bites, no bear attacks, just me in my natural environment at my computer.
13. This is arguably the best “worst” ‘Shop I’ve ever seen. It’s so bad, I could write a college thesis on it.